Hate-Loss Challenge Update

Today is the day those of us taking the Hate-Loss Challenge are supposed to check in with each other and post how we did. This is an update at the end of Week 1.  First I want to say that my Couch-to-5k training is going well. I completed Week 2, Day 2 today. I can't believe it either because I was SO sore from Boot Camp on Tuesday. Unbelievably sore. But I pushed through and followed it up with another Boot Camp class. That's going well. I've been craving more carbs with my new workout regime that's started and I'm fighting feeling guilty about tapping into my Weekly Points yesterday and today. I know - I need to stop feeling guilty. That's what they are there for! Plus, I've racked in 18 activity points since Tuesday! So I have PLENTY of cushion. The guilt comes from a place of condemnation that I need to tackle and confront. That's why I'm grateful for the Hate-Loss Challenge!

SO. Here's my update on that:

Honestly, not having a printer, I was unable to print out the list that Ellen suggested. But I knew things I needed to quote and say to myself. Scripture --- what I know to be Truth.

When I begin to think the negative on myself, I began to verses from the Bible.


    "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

I know God made me and I know that He delights in His creation. I may struggle with how I feel about how I look, but that doesn't change that He made me... and loves me. For me, the main reason for this weight-loss journey was to grow closer to Him, to honor the body He gave me and be a good steward of what He gave me; to stop finding comfort in food and know that He is my strength and my comfort. I know that I chose to do this to myself. I know that I chose to form the bad habits and run to food. What I love is His grace to me. I may have done this to myself and acted out on gluttony but He certainly isn't making me get out of this alone.  Oh no- that's not my God!

From day one He's been there, helping me - rescuing me from the pit I crawled into! He even sent along two Christian professional trainers who have volunteered to train me for free! I get to go to Boot Camp classes and get a wealth of information and encouragement from people who work with professional athletes - for free!  Then my big sister came along and offered to start me up and pay for my Weight Watchers membership. Which she does - every month. Amazing! THAT'S my God!

So when I felt two things:

1) Shame of self

2) Shame to "look at God" knowing that I let myself get this bad or far

I quoted Scripture through the day. 

Want to know which one was easier to address? I could believe the grace God gave me. There is verse after verse assuring me of His love, His grace towards me. And I see His works and actions proving that to me through His provision.

But telling myself that I was fearfully and WONDERFULLY made... focusing on features I like: my eyes, my smile - was difficult. Focusing on & saying positive things about my legs as they jogged and jiggled, on my arms as they flapped & lifted weights, and on my ample rear as my trainers had me do lunges - was horribly difficult. Focusing on my thin hair, my scarred facial skin from teenage acne, my hanging belly - and saying those words... was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. Working out today with horrific soreness was NOTHING compared to meditating on the Truth of those words...  and believing them to be Truth.

I have a long way to go. Not just physically but spiritually & emotionally.

I mentioned my facial scars. I think that's one thing that really bothers me the most. I'm aware of them any time I'm around people. My weight and my face. I've always struggled with that. Somewhere deep inside I want to be seen as a beautiful girl; as a beautiful, physically beautiful woman. I want to have the pretty face, a smooth face, not just the talent, smarts and spiritual soul. 

I'm grateful for this challenge. And going to keep pushing through.

Ellen is starting a couple books. I think I'm going to do a study and read a book that I started a while back but I had to put down because of the huge ache in my heart & soul. I had a very difficult time reading through the book and believing the words in it because of my feelings towards myself. But the book is amazing and chalk-full of biblical Truth about who God is and who He says I am: Beautiful. I'm also going to do the work-book that comes along with it.

Do You Think I'm Beautiful by Angela Thomas

So. That's my Hate-Loss Challenge. I realize some of you may not believe in God and may not know how to comment or want to comment on this post - but know that if any of you ever want to talk or have questions about my faith - just email me! :0)